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A New Year.

1/6/2014

3 Comments

 
November 27th, 2013 I received a phone call from my lawyer to inform me that  The State of Oregon has received Sovereign Immunity  in Abel's lawsuit.  Two and a half years of isolation, depositions and hope all crashing down around us.  I don't remember what all was said, and I have yet to read the latest manila envelope of neatly typed legal jargon that followed promptly in the mail.    When my husband came home I was wailing, surrounded by my half prepped Thanksgiving dishes.  Wailing is not crying.  It is deeper. Like a scream and a roar from deep in your gut. Primal and raw, normally for the shower where the sound of the water can drowned it all out.  But there my husband found me. He held me and I told him what they had said.  He sat for a minute and I studied his face watching. Waiting for him to say "That's not right, that's not fair!" Waiting for him to say, "What about when we are old, what about when we are gone . . . who will take care of Abel than . . .  we need a van.  we need a handicap accessible home!  We did our part!!  We were brave.  We told the truth.  We are RIGHT.  They all know it.  Abel MATTERS. What happened to our son should be acknowledged. THIS ISN'T FAIR!!!"   Instead he closed his eyes let out a surprised sigh with a whoosh and said, "I thought your brother . . . I thought someone had died."  (My brother is in the Special Forces and I had not heard from him in a quit a while.)  Then he brushed his hands on his pants and said "Welp, that sucks." and than he helped me up  . . . and that was kind of that.  I finished making dinner and he sat and colored with Abel. We decided to wait until after the holidays to tell our friends and family  so that we could sit back and enjoy the twinkle lights with our son for his 4th Christmas.  It was the best one yet.

 Motherwise Birth Center is no longer in business.  As far as I know, Christyn King is living in Vermont and working as a doula.  Nicole Tucker is working to become a lactation consultant/fertility counselor/hypnotherapist.  Dana Johnson is still a practicing midwife in Bend.  We will continue to find a way to bring proper regulation and evidence based standards to midwifery in Oregon.  We will continue to share Abel's story to honor him and protect others.  We will continue to laugh and grow and love and fight for our son.  We are not dead yet!

Happy New Year!

“Look on every exit as being an entrance somewhere else.”
― Tom Stoppard

3 Comments
Christine Gilbert link
1/7/2014 01:52:27 pm

I am so sorry for what has happened to you. I read about this on the Skeptical OB. I too used Motherwise for a planned homebirth in Bend, and while my experience is nothing like yours, I did have undiagnosised pre-e that resulted in a c-section, a five day stay in the hospital and two weeks of blood pressure meds to finally get my BP down. I know they offered terrible care when I had a second child, with an OB, with the same exact pre-e symptons (creeping BP, sudden weight gain in the 3rd trimester, etc) and my OB caught it at 36 weeks and induced at 39 weeks. It still ended in a c-section -- and I was happy to do it -- but my stay was just two days and with no BP problems after the birth. It was all avoidable. You have inspired me to speak out more, because even though my experience was a "near miss" we still need to hold these women accountable. By the way, here is the email from Motherwise about their change in direction:

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Motherwise
Date: Sun, May 5, 2013 at 8:40 PM
Subject: New paths for Motherwise and our Midwives
To:

Hello Motherwise families,

We feel so blessed to have been apart of your births and lives for so many years. Words cannot convey the love we have for all of you, and the bond we feel for you and your family. .

Last year Nicole decided that after attending births since 1996 and training many Midwives it was time to take a break from midwifery and serve families in Central Oregon in a different way. Nicole will be sitting for the International Board of Lactation Consultants Exam in July. She has also become a Certified Hypnotherapist, helping families with fertility and teaching the Fertility Awareness Method. She also plans on returning to her roots and teaching childbirth classes and baby care classes. Nicole plans on keeping her Midwifery credentialing current ( CPM ) so that she may volunteer to serve women in need in other countries once a year. Most of all spending time with her family and new granddaughter.

Dana is continuing on with a home birth practice, Sacred Tree Midwifery. Dana will have birth center privileges at the Bend Birth Center for those families that necessitate it. Dana's heart has led her to move in the direction of a small practice serving 1-3 families a month. Iara will be staying on to assist Dana with births this summer. Dana plans on taking some time off this fall and winter to focus on her family and help her husband with his business.

Dana is very excited to be offering a indigenous technique of Traditional Womb Centering and massage practiced by midwives throughout central and South America. This practice benefits pregnant and non pregnant woman bringing relaxation, circulation to the abdomen and pelvis, aid in easier childbirth and helps with fertility and menstrual issues. Dana will continue to teach Birthing From Within childbirth classes and providing prenatal and postpartum care in the home.

After working together for so many years, you can plan on seeing Nicole and Dana collaboration and caring for our community for years to come.

We have officially moved out of the Birth Center we all have loved for many years. We are continuing to give care to the last of our Motherwise families at our downtown office. We are still easy to find and to get a hold of. The office is downtown Bend at 325 NW Vermont Place Suite 101.

We invite you to a BBQ this summer to visit with all of you and see how big those sweet little babies have gotten! We will send out an email for time and location soon.

Blessings and Love,

Nicole and Dana

Reply
Angela
1/8/2014 02:57:19 am

Oh my gosh. My heart stopped at the first sentence. I had to read it three times, and then 4, and then 5. While I appreciate Greg's calmer response, I would have been right there with you. I am angry. What the F???!!! I want to punch someone in the face.
Abel does matter, so do you and so does Greg. You are right and you have done the right thing. Although it hasn't gotten you a van or an accessible home, yet… Your bravery and Abel's story have already made a huge impact on so many people. Before there is legislation there is word of mouth. You have empowered other women with your story. Women who will be more conscious, more informed when they choose to have their own children (my Sisters included). Women who will pass that on to others they know. You have inspired and emboldened other families of disabled children. You have enlightened people about the struggles and beauty of parenting a disabled child. YOU ARE BRAVE! And all of your openness, your fighting and and your struggle have NOT been in vain.
I know that isn't the tangible financial outcome that you wanted and needed. It isn't fair. And I am hurt and angry for you. But I hope that you know that your advocacy on Able's behalf has been making a difference all along. We know that there is a huge amount of misinformation out there, we know that there is a lot of manipulation and emotional blackmail being used by many in the birthing community. You are combating that. Across the country. Look at Holly, I guarantee you that lady is advocating in Colorado. I know that my husband and my 14 year old sister both know damn well the differences between a midwife and a certified nurse midwife. They know the differences between an idealized "birth experience" and the reality that birth can be dangerous. They know that the outcome is really all that matters. There is still a long way to go on every front. I know that. I know none of this helps you to carry Abel, or helps him sleep through the night, or helps you haul him around in a car that is too small. I know it is incredibly insufficient. You three deserve so much more. And we will keep fighting for it in any way that we can. But you three are also changing lives, and you are SAVING LIVES. I hope you realize that your strength and your story are rippling out into the world. You are creating change in ways that you don't even realize.
I am so proud of you. And I am so sorry and so angry. I know you feel alone. I don't know how to change that. We haven't been through what you have been through. But I hope you know we are here for you. Please ask for help when you need it. Your friends want to help. If there is a way in which we can, please let us.
We love you guys very much. I am so sorry for this. Please let me know if you need or want anything right now.

Reply
Caroline
1/9/2014 01:32:51 am

Thank you for posting this. I have been praying and hoping all these years right along with you. Closure on any issue is a good thing, even if it's not the way we want it to be. Greg has always been the "calmer" one and his reaction is classic. I have to say, I would have been wailing too. My reaction is to fund raise for you and get you that van you need. Find a way to make these things happen for the Andrews Family. The Universe has not forgotten you My Friends. Life is a circle and I fully believe you will have what you need. Abel is my inspiration. His Parents, My Heroes. What Champions you have been for him and you will be rewarded. Take Heart. The Future is not set and Miracles happen to those who deserve them most. I Love You 3 so much.

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